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Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight! If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram!

When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.” If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

Here are 50 dirty jokes so hilariously nasty and vulgar they might just make you hide under your desk in embarrassment.

You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone. They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.” Finding out it was traced.

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield.

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. " The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business". " The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. ” She says, “A hundred dollars.” He says, “All I got is thirty”. ”A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. She spent 00 and felt really good about the results.

if you chew food with your mouth wide open if you don't laugh at my lame jokes.

” When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, “What do you expect for ten dollars? ” A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!

if you don't like being on the phone we can't have a good time with our clothes on. If you have more dick in your personality than you have in your pants if you're shorter than me if your morning breath is the same as your afternoon, evening, and bedtime breath! if you don't keep yourself groomed, and take my advice when I try to help you stay looking fresh. if you bring dogs on dates, and your dog misbehaves. if you kiss me, touch me or have sex with me and don't have my consent.

if we have nothing in common you're a 1 minute man. You hurt me before, I'm not letting you hurt me again. if you aren't funny you don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. you have more mood swings in one day than me on pms. you don't know the simple difference between "there", "their", & "they're". if u have a hobo beard you are constantly talking about yourself. if you're not gonna take shit seriously If youve got 6 toes on one foot or hand unless U can see past all my flaws if your mother's retarded, insane, or a fucking lunatic. if u don't like my mommy and my mommy don't like you, sorry family comes first if burgers and fries are more important than staying in shape unless you respect my boundaries!

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